Double Life…

In this episode I discuss people that lead double lives. Like something movies are made of.  The life that makes people go crazy. Lives where shows like Snapped are created. I have a friend that is going through this very thing, as we speak. 
I also discuss dental pain and intuition. Trust your gut. 
What’s been keeping me up? Pain. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening to every single person out there that has really um been awesome and tuned in. I cannot tell you how grateful I am when I look at the BuzzSpread account and I see that more and more people have been tuning in to my podcast. More people from all different countries and all over the United States have downloaded my podcast. And I cannot tell you how thankful I am. There are so many podcasts out there. There are millions of podcasts right now. And the fact that hey, Henry's chiming in, he's saying thank you. That's his way of cheering and reading you guys on. But um, there are just a lot of options. And the fact that you chose to listen to my podcast, um, in spite of the fact that it is a hot disaster, it has, you know, as you know, I don't edit. You hear right now I'm playing with my dogs, you hear them. Um, my intro and outro music is still non-existent. Um and so, you know, it has its quirks. And I'm assuming that it's those quirks that keep you here. Um or maybe it isn't. I don't know. I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear what it is you love about my podcast, what you like about my podcast, or you can also give me some constructive criticism. You can tell me some things I need to work on, other than if it's editing, that's not going to happen, as we know. And I know that I need the intro and outro music, but you can feel free to email me and let me know what you think. Um, it is ramblingsof an insomniac49. That's 49 at gmail.com. Ramblings of an insomniac 49 at gmail. So you can absolutely um shoot me an email, let me know what you think of the show. Uh, so hello. Uh good morning. At least good morning for me. That's why I always try to say good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, because I don't know what time of day you're listening to this. I don't know what it is in your neck of the woods. In my neck of the woods, it is a beautiful day. There was some rain yesterday, which was quite lovely. We needed it. We need more, to be honest. We need some more rain. We have had a very, very dry winter. Um, and we've had a dry spring, actually, uh, which is not good because we could use the rain now that we're getting into summer. We do not need the fires, and we definitely could use some rain. But it did rain a little bit yesterday and a little the day before. And now today it's beautiful, and there's some dew on the ground, on the leaves, on the grass, and it makes me want to get out my camera. Um, I'm not mowing my grass right now because I'm gonna do some macro photography. I'm gonna get my camera out, dust it off, and start getting back into my photography. And right now I love it because there's these dew drops and like there's bugs, there's a bunch of bugs. I love, love, love, love taking pictures of all the creepy crawlies in the grass and doing some cinematography stuff with my phone and all that good stuff. So, um, however, I'm not gonna be doing that today, and I haven't done a podcast in a while because hey, nobody wants to hear that. Although I don't edit, we don't need to listen to dogs barking the entire time. It's not that ghetto of a podcast. Um, couple of reasons I have not put out a podcast um for a bit. Uh one, I have been having excruciating dental pain. Um, I finally was able to first get into urgent care. I've had a lot of abscess teeth before, and I've had a lot of times where it gets so infected that it goes up into my sinuses. And um I have had it where the nerves, like it is now, the nerves are just all up on the surface. The nerves are just hanging out going, hey, and my roots are all fucked up. And so my teeth right now are it, oh god, I was in excruciating pain over Labor Day weekend, I mean Memorial Day weekend. So I had gone to um my dentist was closed. Um, well, no, they weren't closed. My insurance changed, and they didn't have my new insurance, and I had to switch it over, and it was a whole thing. I ended up not being able to get into my dentist. Then I was like, all right, I'll go to urgency care so I could get antibiotics. I wasn't looking for pain meds, just wanted some antibiotics. Um, you're allowed to make an appointment. So I had an appointment. I did not walk in, it wasn't like I just walked in. No, no, no. I had a two o'clock appointment. And it even said, you know, don't be more than 15 minutes late. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be there at my two o'clock appointment. 3:15 rolls around and I finally get called back to the room. Um, four o'clock rolls around and I still had not been seen. So I'd been sitting there for two hours in excruciating pain while I had an appointment. Again, this is not walk-in, this is not emergency room, this is an urgent care where you make appointments. So the problem was I had to be somewhere at five, and I did not have time to wait any longer and also get a prescription and do all these things, and then I still had to drive to where I needed to be, which was a half an hour away. So I had no time to keep waiting. So after waiting for two hours and completely wasting my time and being in massive pain, I had to go and I was taking care of a dog and a cat that day. I was doing some dog sitting, and um, so I had to go there, send the person I was dog sitting a text and ask if it were okay if I went to the urgent care there in her city after I walked her dog and fed them and all that. And she's like, oh, absolutely go. So I did that. Finally, I get into urgent care. They were amazing, got me in right away, got me on antibiotics. Well, then my dentist was able to get me in on Tuesday. Uh, yesterday. So the problem was the antibiotics that the urgent care doctor gave me, who was a lovely human and I loved him and I adored him, and he didn't know any better. Um, it was basically for baby tooth pain, it was basically for baby infections, not what I had going on. I had a monster thing. My roots were all hanging out, I mean my nerves were all exposed, and it's it was just a doozy of pain. So the antibiotics didn't do a hill, they didn't do jack squat. A hill of beans, is what I started to say, but um, they did not do jack squat. So my dentist gave me some better antibiotics, and now I'm on those. And let me tell you, I have barely, barely been able to eat. I can barely drink anything because hot or cold water, everything ends up setting it off, and it's so inflamed right now that I can if I barely barely barely touch my face, I want to be sent through the roof. I am um exhausted because I haven't been able to sleep for the last six days because I have been in such pain and I cannot get comfortable, so I am exhausted, I'm starving, um, I can barely eat, like I said, and I'm in pain. So that's been great. On top of all of that, I have been dealing with a lot of craziness, um, a lot of things that I've had to process, and um it's been a lot. Um it's been a lot. I uh yeah, anyway, so I had a friend confide in me about her relationship with her husband. And it was a lot to take in and it was a lot to process because if you didn't know any better, you would think it were a movie. It is exactly sorry, I'm being photobombed, not photobombed, I'm being video-bombed by an airplane. Hang on. Um, sorry, yeah, the airplane was a little much. Again, I'll allow a lot, but my dog's barking incessantly and a bunch of planes is probably too much. Um also, if I sound weird, my mouth is hurting, and it's kind of hard to do this podcast right now because um I have to kind of half close my mouth. I look like I'm talking out the side, I look like Drew Barrymore. That's really mean because I love Drew Barrymore, and I'm not making fun of Bill's palsy or anything like that, because um I was told I have Bill's palsy, and my mouth does droop to the side normally. So I'm kind of holding it so air doesn't get in. But my friend had confided in me about some things with her and her husband, and it was a lot to process, and it was like a made for it would make a great book, and it would make a great movie. Um basically her husband had a whole other life going on. Um she's been with her husband for 15 years, and in that 15 years, they have gone through a lot. I am talking everything, so many ups and downs. And there was a lot of mental and verbal abuse, and there was a lot of lying. And her husband is an alcoholic, and um when he drinks, he is not nice. He's very awful, he just says horrible things, and he has a very, very, very bad temper. And when he drinks, he drinks to get drunk. So he's a sloppy drunk, a mean drunk, and a violent drunk. And she has told him many times, you know, I can't be with you when you're drinking. You know, if you cannot get if you can't get help, if you're not willing to get help and you're not willing and you don't want to quit, then we can't do this anymore. So they separated because he just wanted to drink. And, you know, it's the addiction. I'm sure he doesn't want to drink. I'm sure it's not something necessarily that he's choosing, it's the addiction. But nonetheless, he drank. And then some things happened in his life that forced him to quit drinking. Well, then he took the opportunity to say, you know, rat, you know what? I could use some help and I should stop drinking. So even though he was forced to stop, he ended up doing very well and didn't drink for like five years. And no, it was like three years. For like three years, he did not drink at all. And they were so happy, they were so happy, and life was good, and everything was going on. And then a bunch of other crap happened, and his mom passed away, and everything in his life just kind of started happening, and then some stuff in her life started going on. So then, of course, that created all kinds of issues, and then he started drinking again behind her back, and she would ask about it because she knew, because she's not dumb, and she knew the signs, and she's been there before, and she comes from a long line of alcoholics, so she knows these things, and uh she would ask him and she would say, Please just tell me the truth, please just tell me the truth, please don't lie, that kind of stuff. And she would say, and she would question, and she would say, Hey, you know, is this happening? Are you doing these things? Are you drinking? No, no, no, no, no, no. But um, and she would say, Hey, just please, please be honest with me. You know, we can work it out if you just be honest with me. Let's try to fix things, let's try to work this out. But again, it would be no, no, no, of course not, how dare you? And then he would gaslight her and he would call her crazy and he would put her down and get very, very, very angry. And she was like, um, okay, I know that you're not telling the truth, and now in addition to lying to me, you're also gaslighting me and insulting my intelligence. And so they just weren't doing well. And um they ended up just arguing a lot, and the drinking continued, and the lying continued, and for some reason she kept forgiving him because he kept promising that he would be honest, and he kept promising he would stop, and he kept promising that he'd be honest about it if he drank again, and she kept taking him back, as women do, because for some reason women always always think that they're gonna change, and it's our fault because and I hate to say this, it's not something that I I get a lot of fans for this. A lot of people get very angry when I say this, but you know, it's the whole fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. If you're gonna continue to pick people that have issues, and you're going to continue to pick people that have problems that are fixer-uppers, then you can't be all bummed when they're just that, when they turn out to be exactly that, a fixer-upper. You can't really get upset when you intentionally chose someone that you knew had a lot of issues, and yet still chose to stay with them. Now, again, it's one thing if you see that someone has some problems or has made some mistakes and they're genuinely trying to right those wrongs, they're genuinely trying to be better and get better and and they're truthful and there's communication, you're going to counseling and all that. You know, I'm all for trying to work things out. I'm all for trying. But there is a limit. There's only so many times you can try. But she kept doing it, she kept trying because she kept thinking, I know there's good. I know, I know there's good in there, and I don't want to give up. I don't want to, I don't want this to be a waste. And so she kept trying. And she made it very, very clear, hey, come on, let's do this, let's work it out, let's communicate, let's be honest. But if you drink ever, ever again, if you ever drink, I swear this is the last time. It's the last time I won't be able to forgive you. We will have to move on. Um, and she told him that she would move out. Well, she also started suspecting that he was seeing somebody else. And she asked him about it. And again, he gaslit her and he told her over and over that she was crazy. How dare you, and did the whole got offended. How dare you, how dare you accuse me of that? How dare you suggest I would do that? Gaslit her, called her crazy, got angry, got violent. But she knew she was right. She knew it. Women have instincts, women observe, and she's very, very observant. And keep in mind, she had forgiven this person many, many times, and she had been trying very, very hard with this person and been wanting to work it out with her husband. Not this person, her husband. It wasn't a boyfriend, it wasn't a casual relationship, it was someone she's been with for 15 years and has stuck by and had constantly, you know, forgiven and forgiven, and really wanted to work things out, and really did all she could to just try to stand by him. And then instead, he started seeing somebody behind her back, and um, of course, that hurt. That hurt a lot. That was like a knife not only in the heart, but a knife to the brain, because you're like, what? What just happened? Why did I invest so much time and energy? Why did I stick by you? You've lied and lied and lied, and I've caught you in a thousand lies, that all of which you blamed me for. Every lie was my supposedly me being horrible, or the things that um not me, I'm saying her. She was telling this to me. I'm saying she was telling this to me. And she was like, every lie that he told me, he would always blame on me. He would always say that it was somehow there was an excuse. There was always an excuse, or it was always her fault, you know, the whole manipulative sociopath thing. And so she was like, I don't understand how I've gone through all of this only to uh, you know, be uh cheated on, you know. That was like a huge uh blow. And of course that hurt, especially because at that time she had decided to move um out of their bedroom. She decided that they were going to try to work it out, but they kind of wanted to do it slowly, and they kind of wanted to take a step a little bit back and kind of start over. So she had moved up to the bedroom, and it was at that time that she moved up to the bedroom that he started cheating. And to me, the definition of cheating doesn't have to be sex, it can be having very, very inappropriate conversations, sending inappropriate pictures, talking about the future, talking about your hopes and dreams and your future with someone else. When you are sitting there talking about your hopes and dreams and plans with another woman, and you're developing feelings for another woman, and you're caring about another woman and loving another woman and wanting to be with another woman, especially while you're still married to someone who is desperately trying to work it out, that's pretty messed up. It's very messed up. And then she finds out that in addition to all of this, she finds out that she goes to the mail one day and she finds a postcard with something that says, you know, hey baby, on it, and a bunch of stuff that clearly was for her husband. And she was like, uh, excuse me? What the fuck is this? And then of course he got mad, he got defensive, and he started blaming her for finding it. Somehow it was her fault that she found the postcard from his second lover, from another lover, another mistress. So now she has two women. Now she has two women that have had relationships with her husband while she was sitting there trying desperately to make things work, and while he was telling her she was crazy for thinking it, and also saying he wanted a future with her, and he wanted to work it out with her. And she kept saying, Are you sure? Are you sure? It doesn't seem like you want to work it out. I don't think you want to work it out, and he'd say, Of course I do. And then would get very, very, very angry when she would suggest how dare he suggest that I mean, how dare she suggest that he did not want a relationship and that he did not care about her. And then he would do the whole victim thing, excuse thing, and turn it around on her and say, How dare she, how dare she possibly question his love? How dare she think he doesn't love her and want a future? Well, then she finds out about all of this, and she's like, Okay, you haven't out right now. You didn't you're begging me to stay, and you're telling me you love me, but you're having relationships with two other people. So she's telling me all of this, she's sharing all of this with me, and I am in awe. And I am like, How many women has this happened to? I mean, there is a show called Snapped. We've all heard of the show called Snapped, and we know it exists because of shit like this. This is exactly why the show Snapped exists. Because for some reason, men say they can't even handle one woman. Men say they can't even handle one woman, and yet for whatever reason they go and have affairs. And some men have multiple lives going on, they have like whole other um spouses and kids, like that second life thing. That's crazy. I don't know how on earth people can juggle that. I don't know how people. Can keep their lives straight. Like I cannot even remember what I did yesterday. I have no idea half the time I don't remember what I did yesterday, let alone try to juggle a whole bunch of different stories and a bunch of different um lives. And how do these people think that it's gonna play out? They have to know they're gonna get caught. You have to know you're gonna get caught. You can't possibly think you're gonna like make that last for a long time, right? Like that can't possibly be. Like, what's your end game? I don't understand what the end game is, and I don't know why you'd want to put that pressure on yourself. So when she was telling me this, when she was sharing this, I was like, oh my god, and then I got paranoid and I was like, dang, could you imagine? Could you imagine having to deal with that? Could you imagine like every time yeah, I mean obviously it has to be over between them, obviously, but like he still to this day, you know, thinks it's her fault. And that's just the you know manipulation side that sucks. And I just feel bad for her. I feel really, really, really bad for her. And you know, you can't be like, oh, it'll get better, and you can't just pat her on the back and go, it'll be okay, or because how do you how do you even put your life back together? How do you even well you just do because you have to. Strong people will always rise. I love that Katie Perry as much as Katy Perry is just batcrap crazy. Katy Perry is a nut job, we all know this. Do love her songs, though, a lot of her songs. I I hate about half of them, and then I like the other half. But that song Rise, if you have not heard that song Rise, you don't have to be a woman, you can be a man. It's about anybody who can overcome, and when other people try to knock them down, they're like, no, no, no, I'm too strong for this. I'm too prideful for this, I'm too strong for this, and you can't take strong people down. Um so at least she's tough. She's very tough and she's focused. And you know, she will survive. She will. It's just a weird, like I just can't imagine having to go through that. I can't imagine what that feels like. And it's a weird concept to think that that that happens to people. Again, it's like a movie, you know. It's crazy. It's very crazy. Life is weird, you know what I mean? What does Ferris Bueller say? Um oh god, what is the Ferris Buller? I can't start to say it and then not say it because then it kind of is like wah wah wah wah wah wah. Um yeah, I can't remember the saying now, darn it. See? That's why I can't be like a sister wife or I can't be like a polygamist. I mean, I know the women aren't the one that has a bunch of men, but I wouldn't be able to juggle. Gwenny, where's your squish? Get your squish. So between all of that and then I found out that a really um, well, one of my I guess people can't say one of my best friends, because it's like, well, if they're your best friend, then that means that they and only them are your best. It means they're the best of all of them. But I hate saying that because it's like I have like five best friends. I have women that have been in my life for 30 plus years, you know, for 40 plus years. Um and um I don't know, I consider them all equally my friend, but um, where was I going with this? See, I have not slept, you guys. I have not slept in forever. This tooth has been killing me, it has been an excruciating pain. I haven't been able to sleep in like six days. I already wasn't sleeping, I've already been up forever, and then I add tooth pain onto that, and I haven't been able to eat, so I'm hungry. It's been a whole thing. It's been a thing. Anyway, today though, I'm grounding myself. I have got no shoes on right now, and I am walking around in my tall grass, grounding myself, throwing the ball for the dogs, getting my sunshine on, getting my vitamin D on, and my earth, getting some earth power. Earth power activate. I know it sounds hippie, you guys, but I've talked about this on my podcast before. Grounding, look it up. Walk around. I've always done this. I think Generation X, I think a lot of people do this, not just Generation X. We can't take credit for everything. I mean, we're pretty awesome, but I guess we can't take credit for everything. But walking around with your shoes off um is very good for you. Got the healing powers of the earth. So I hope today, whatever you choose to do, I hope that you take a moment to trust your instincts. Instincts are there for a reason. I think women in particular have very we have great instincts. I'm not saying be paranoid. I'm not saying constantly check over your shoulder, you know, you don't want to live like that. But trust your gut, trust your instincts. I mean, the worst is gonna happen is okay, you're a little more safe than you need to be. I mean, is that a bad thing? You're a little more cautious, okay. That's not bad. Again, I'm not saying, you know, live like someone's stalking you all the time. I'm just saying be aware of your surroundings, be observant. Nowadays, things are absolutely crazy. People are pretty wack-adoo, and um women are very vulnerable right now. So I remember saying, I'm too old to be sex trafficked. Nobody wants an old wrinkled cellulite woman. No one's gonna want to sex traffic me. And um, and one of my friends was like, Oh, actually, your prime organ, um, they would want your organs. And I was like, and she was like, and then they cut you open while you're alive and take out your organs. And I was like, Well, thanks a lot. I thought no one's gonna want me, and now all of a sudden you're telling me I'm like grade A, you know, kidney and I've got some good organs. I'm like, I was just going about my day, not worried at all. And now you put a whole other level of, you know, freaky in there. I was like, thanks a lot. But it's true, I mean, we do have to be aware. Again, it doesn't mean be paranoid and let it ruin your life by being constantly scared, but also be aware and trust your gut, trust your instincts, men and women. I'm speaking to men and women, I'm not talking about just women. I want men to be safe. Women can be psycho. Again, that's why there is the show called Snapped, which I think is still going. They still have material. Men, let that be a lesson. There's still material. Snapped is still going on. Not condoning it, not condoning, just saying, I agree that women are also crazy. It is not just men. Humans are crazy. Humans have the potential to do a lot of good, and we have the potential to do some extraordinarily terrible things as well. I like to focus on the good, I really do. And sometimes on this podcast, you're gonna get me focusing on the good. Sometimes I'm pissed off as all hell, and I'm focusing on the bad, and sometimes I'm in between. You just never know. That's why it's great to listen to my podcast, because you don't know what you're gonna get. You don't know what I'm gonna ramble about, you know, depending on my sleep, depending on what I've had to eat or my life. You don't know. Could be politics, could be relationships, could be anything. Who the heck knows? I keep you guessing, it's like that. I give you mental um exercises. You're welcome. I'm like the Navy SEALs for your mind. Anyway, I very, very much appreciate every single person that's been tuning me in, whether you've been here since the beginning or today is your first time listening to one of my podcasts. Thank you, thank you so much. Remember, I have a YouTube channel. You can like and subscribe there. Um, I could use it, I would appreciate it. Um, again, TikTok and TikTok and Instagram, I can't stand them, but I'm on there, but I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty political and I will probably offend a lot of people if you get on my Instagram and TikTok. I'm a little more zesty, I'm a little more spicy. Um, and I also have Facebook. So please, uh, if you want to support those, that would be awesome. But thank you again for your support now. I hope that going forward you take it one step at a time, put one foot in front of the other, remember to let go of the things you cannot control, and um focus on the things that you have solutions for, focus on the things you have control of. Remember to take that good deep breath in and let it out, and take some time for you. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Until next time.