Sleeping With The Enemy…

Remember the movie with Julia Roberts called, Sleeping With the Enemy? In this episode, I discuss that movie. I talk about women thst have gone through this in real life. 
I hope anyone that may be in an abusive relationship finds the strength to get out? I hope they have support? 
What’s been preventing me from sleeping soundly? Relationships… 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to another episode of The Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Good morning. Good afternoon and good evening. Henry, my dog, is telling you good morning as well. Hello everybody. I hope that the day is going well for you so far. My day is just beginning. Period. I said period again. I'm so used to talking into my text to talk that and doing the dictation that I just said period again. How sad is that? I'm so used to doing my dictation that now I say period. Oh my god, I have problems. I have a lot of problems. That's only one of them. Um, but before I talk about all of my issues that I'm sure you guys are just dying to hear about, first I want to say welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome everybody that is new. Welcome people that have been here since the beginning. Welcome everybody. Henry, could you c could you quiet, please? Welcome everybody of all walks of life. Welcome everybody from all backgrounds. I appreciate every single person that is taking their time and energy to check out my podcast. It means the world to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I honestly appreciate it. Don't forget to check out my YouTube. Like and subscribe my videos on YouTube. I haven't been getting a lot of traffic because they are censoring me. So I would super appreciate it if people would just like one of my um uh videos or subscribe to my channel. Um, same with Instagram and Facebook and TikTok. Um, if you could do that, man, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. So today is my youngest son's 29th birthday. He is 29 on the 29th, which I don't think I'm gonna put this podcast out on May 29th. Um, it probably won't come out until June. So by the time you guys hear this, his birthday will be gone. It'll already be here and gone. But I have a 29-year-old and a 32-year-old, you guys. A 32-year-old that's closer to 33. So it is crazy. It's crazy when you have adults as kids because they're not kids anymore, they are adults, so they're like not your children anymore, they are your sons and daughters that are adults, and it's weird, you know. I think we all can't wait until our kids become adults, but actually it's kind of has its pros and cons. You know, when they become adults, you can't tell them what to do anymore, you can't protect them anymore. You have to hope that everything you have taught them, everything you have said to them has resonated, that they hear you, that they heard you, and you have to hope that they'll make good decisions. And if they don't, you know, unfortunately they have adult consequences. So, you know, there's no more just timeouts. There's no more like, you know, taking away a toy from them, you know, there's no more putting them in the corner or anything like that. No, it's actual consequences, adult consequences now, and they can do adult things which can get people into trouble. So you have to hope and pray and cross your fingers that you've done everything you can as a parent. I mean, it's also good to have adults, because obviously, for one, you can have grandkids, plus when they're adults, you can do different things with them that you can't when you're, you know, when they're kids, and you can have different types of conversations and you can see who they grow up to be and what they turn out to be, you know, what job, you know, what occupation they end up having, and do they have kids? Do they get married? You know, it's kind of nice seeing who they turn into. But it's crazy. I just cannot believe it. And people tell you when you have kids that it goes by fast, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And people are like, no, seriously, you blink and it's gone. And they tell you that in general about life. They say, hold on to all of the memories and don't be in such a hurry to grow up. And when you're younger, you're like, yeah, but being an adult is so awesome. It's awesome being an adult. You get to do so much when you're an adult. People can't tell you what to do when you're an adult. You get to make your own choices when you're an adult. What they don't tell you is, yeah, the problem is you also have to pay for everything when you're an adult. You have to pay bills when you're an adult. You have to have jobs when you're an adult. You have to make sure that you can pay your rent, pay your food and power and car insurance and all of that when you're an adult. You have to have a job and you don't have people to rely on. I mean, I'm not saying you don't have a support, a support system from your family, and that once you become an adult, it doesn't mean that your parents, you know, just stop talking to you. I just mean you are responsible for you now. Your parents aren't responsible for you, you're responsible for you. And it also means you have adult consequences. So you can go to jail now, you can go to prison now. You actually get held accountable in a big way now as an adult. And, you know, having to have all the responsibility and work and all of that isn't always so fun. I think I would much rather go back to being a kid and not having all that crap. Man, I miss those days. And people are right, it does go by fast. It goes by so fast, and your kids grow up faster than you think. One minute you're sending them off to kindergarten, and I feel like once they hit kindergarten is when things really start speeding by. I feel like it's when life really starts like going by so fast. But it is his birthday today, and um, it's crazy to me that I have a 29-year-old because I genuinely do remember the day he was born. And it does feel like it's gone by fast. I don't know, crazy, crazy times we are in. I would give anything to go back. There are some things, you know, it's funny when people say, you know, looking back, would you change things? And people are always like, no, no, I think things are meant to be bullshit. I would change a lot. I would change a lot. I'm glad that I have my sons. I wouldn't change that. But there's a lot I would change. I would definitely make different decisions. I would certainly make different decisions of people that I cho that I chose to be with. I would definitely, definitely make different decisions on what partners I choose for myself. Because unfortunately, I have been with some doozies. Have you guys ever seen the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? Julia Roberts. I don't know the name of the guy that's in it, but Julia Roberts is in it. Are you familiar with that movie? I'm a little too familiar with that movie. I feel like it's my life right now. But hey, um that's okay. My friend and I are both going through a lot of really insane things, and I would definitely change a lot. I would change a lot of things. I have wasted a lot of my life on people that have been absolutely psychotic and horrible and have ruined my life. Ruin my security, taken away my safety, made me anxious and feel unsafe. Having to live with someone that you know you cannot trust, that you know lies and lies about everything and you can't trust, is hard. Someone that is incredibly verbally abusive and makes you feel worthless for years and years, that's never a good way to live. So for anybody out there that is in whether it's physical, mental, or an abusive relationship, get out. Get out now. They are never, ever, ever, ever going to change. I promise you. I promise you. They're not going to change. You need to get out. You need to get out now before they drag you down into where you are trapped and you can't get out. You're trapped, and you just have to sit there and put on a fake smile and pretend like everything's okay when you're scared to death, and inside you are you have anxiety. You shouldn't live in fear. No one should live in fear. No one should live in with anxiety. No one should live with people they can't trust. The entire point of a partner is to have someone that is there for you, that backs you up, that supports you, that you feel safe with. If you can't feel safe with your partner, that's that's something you need to address. If you can't trust your partner, that's something that can't change. Again, I believe that maybe someone can cheat once and then never ever cheat again. I do believe that. But I think when someone cheats multiple times, they're just a cheater and they will always be a cheater. And I think that when someone lies pathologically, well, they are a pathological liar. That obviously cannot and will not change. I think that when someone is a narcissist, narcissists don't ever become, well, they will always be narcissists. Narcissists will never, ever, ever be anything but a narcissist. And someone that has a lot of um a lot of demons and they wrestle with a lot of demons, those demons aren't going to go away unless they have a lot of major, major counseling. And even then, who knows? Because I think a sociopath will always be a sociopath. You can't, you can't change a sociopath. You can't counsel a sociopath. No psychiatrist can make a sociopath a normal person. And if you read the definition of sociopath or narcissist, I just think if you're with someone like that, get out, run, and don't look back. I know it's scary. It's very, very, very scary. It's incredibly scary. And I know that it may mean you have to sacrifice a ton, and it may mean you have to eat top ramen or live in your car for a while. But there are programs to help if you are in an abusive situation. And again, I'm talking about men and women. I think women can be abusive as well. I think women can be liars and cheaters and sociopaths as well. So I'm not just saying this about men at all. I'm saying if you are in a relationship with a man or a woman that is any type of abusive or narcissist, um, they are not going to change. I know that from experience. So you need to get out and you need to run and you need to run fast and far. And don't tell them where you're going. Do not let them know where you're going. Don't let them know when you're leaving. Get help. Have people help you, have people help you move. Don't do it by yourself. Have people come with you, have the police there if you are, you know, if need be. But just get out. The movie Sleeping with the Enemy is a real thing. I know that was not based on a true story, but I'm telling you, it is based on a true story because it does happen. And there are people out there who are in that situation. So I hope, I really truly hope that if any of you are thinking about leaving your partner and you've already tried counseling and you've already tried communicating and you've already tried to work it out, and it just still is not working, you gotta get out. Even if you have kids, people like to say they want to stay together because they have children. Well, let me tell you, your children don't need to be around their parents fighting all the time. Children don't need to be around abuse. Children learn abuse and learn behavior by what they see and hear. I think it's worse for a child to grow up around a bunch of abuse because they see it, and then they either become an abuser themselves or they end up having a lot of issues. I think it's worse for parents to stay together when they say, We're staying together for the kids. Why? Because you want the kids to be around screaming and yelling, you want the kids to see and hear abuse. It's better to get divorced or get separated and try to figure out how to both of you see the kids, split your time evenly with the kids, and be able to still be with them. But you don't have to live with your partner. You can still co-parent. And if your partner is super abusive and tries to use your kids against you, then you need to get the police involved. You need to get your family members involved. Because that's a whole other other level of psycho when people use their kids as leverage. God, you don't love your kids. You do not love your kids if you use your kids as leverage. That's not love. And you never, ever, ever loved your partner if you abuse them and you cheat and you constantly lie and you use the kids. That's not love. That's called control. I don't think that a lot of people see the signs of control until it's too late. Let me tell you, I know exactly what it's like to be manipulated and conned and controlled. I have been there. I know what verbal and mental abuse is like, I know what being lied to repeatedly is like, and I know what being cheated on is like. And I know what it's like to have to put on a brave face and pretend that everything's okay, while inside you are screaming and dying and thinking, oh my god, I have to be around this person. I have to be in the same area, the same house as this person who has done nothing but lie and lie and lie and abuse and abuse and cheat and cheat, and then blame me for everything and make excuses as to why everything they do is okay and everything I do is awful. If you're with someone like that that can't even apologize, that can't even admit fault, and also not only not admit fault, not only not apologize, but say they hope you die, they hope that you die because of the things that you supposedly did to them. Sorry, I had to stop. My dog was going rogue. I had to pause. But just trust me when I say people will not change. I mean, there are people that can change for sure. There are definitely people that can change, but narcissists, sociopaths, those that are pathological liars, those that have cheated more than once, no, they're not gonna change. You can't change a sociopath, you can't change a narcissist, you can't change someone that is abusive over and over and continues to do it and never stops. You can't, I again, I think that someone can cheat once, they can make a mistake. I think people make mistakes. I believe that people make mistakes and that mistakes are just that a mistake that's not gonna happen again. But I also believe that if you cheat more than once, that's not a mistake now. That's no longer a mistake. If you abuse more than once, it's no longer a mistake. If you lie more than once, it's no longer a mistake. So they're not gonna change. They're gonna tell you all the things that you want to hear, they're gonna whisper sweet nothings in your ear and tell you how great you are, and they're gonna say and do everything that they think you want to hear. But it's a robot reaction. Sociopaths don't have they're gonna tell you all the things that you think you want to hear, and they're gonna say and do all the things they think you want to hear because they think you want to hear them, because they know that's what you want to hear, and they know that you will see their charm, and you know, you'll get right back with them. It's a control thing. It's all about control, it's all about the game. It's just a sport to them, it's just a game, it's just a con. They like to be manipulative and they hate being out of control. They need the control, they have to have the control. They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you. They don't love you, they don't respect you, but they do not want you to be with anyone else. They don't want anyone else to have you. They don't want you to leave them. They don't want to be the one that gets dumped. Heck no. They don't want you to be with someone because they know that you'll see how good people are. They'll know that you'll see the good that you have been missing. They know that you'll see that there is much, much, much better out there, and they're scared shitless that you will see that there are better people out there, and they don't want you to see that. They don't care if you're with someone else, other than the fact that they just don't want you to leave them and they don't want you to be with someone else. They want their cake and they want to eat it too. They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you. They want to keep you around out of control, they want to keep you around out of loneliness, they want to keep you around just so that you're not doing the things that make you happy. I'm just encouraging every single person out there that's even thinking about leaving their partner. Again, I'm not talking about if you have little issues, if you have issues that can be, you know, you can work out. If you can talk to a counselor and work out your problems, great. If you can communicate and work out your problems, great. I'm not encouraging people just to willy-nilly leave their partners at all. But if you are in a controlling or abusive relationship, if you're in a relationship where they have lied to you multiple times and they have cheated on you more than once, and they are any type of abusive more than once, you need to get out because I promise, promise, promise you it will never get any better. Sure, they might change for a little bit. They might change for a little bit, or they're not changing, they might alter their behavior and pretend they're somebody else for a little bit. They will manipulate you and pretend that they're sorry and they'll say all the things that they think you need to hear so that you'll stay. But I'm telling you, once a so once a psycho, always a psycho. Once a narcissist and a sociopath and someone that has cheated more than once, they will never change. I promise you this. So this is just a little PSA. Again, I'm not speaking to women, I'm speaking to men and women. I'm speaking to anybody that is in a bad relationship. I don't think that women are perfect. I'm just tired of seeing people waste their lives and have their. Safety and their security taken from people who don't deserve it. When you were told that I don't care if you die by somebody, and you were told I hope you die, I hope that you die a horrible death, um, when you were told that you are worthless and that you are subhuman garbage, when you have things said to you by someone that is supposed to love you, that has sworn to love and protect you, by someone you are supposed to trust, by someone you have invested so much time and energy into, it really, really, really hurts when those people fuck you over good. Don't be like so many of us out there and deal with that. Don't put up with that. Nothing good is gonna come of your life if you put up with that. Put an end to it now. Just throwing that out there. This is kind of a short podcast just to say if you are in any type of abusive relationship, seek help, find support, find support whether it's friends or family, or there are people out there that are counselors, and there are programs out there that can help you. And there are programs out there that I think can even help you move if you are in an abusive situation and you need to get out soon. Take advantage of those. It's scary to leave, especially if you're in an abusive relationship, because they might follow you, they might try to hurt you, they might threaten you, they probably will. Odds are they will threaten you, they will scare you and threaten you when you try to leave. And it's scary because some of them may follow through with it. So you'll have to do it when they're not home, or you'll have to do it with cops there, or you'll have to do it with a lot of people around you. Because a lot of these people will hurt you, will try to hurt you if you leave. So it's scary because you don't know what they're going to do. It's not an easy thing, and I know it's not an easy thing. I'm just hoping that if anybody out there is going through that, I hope that you can find the strength to get out of it, and I hope that you have a support system. I hope that you have programs around you that you can call and they can help you. Because no one deserves to have their life, no one deserves to feel scared and unsafe. No one deserves to try to sleep but can't sleep and get any sleep because you're too scared to death of what's going to happen. That's not a good position for anybody to be in. So if you're in that position, please, please, get help. This is just a quick podcast to get that out there and um let people know that it is not okay to be abused in any way. And no matter what someone tries to say, no matter what excuses they try to say, it's not your fault either. It's not your fault for someone to be abusive. If you did something, then they can use their words. They can talk, they can, you can go to counseling, they can leave you, but they don't need to abuse you if you've done something wrong. Anyway, just throwing that out there for anybody that needs to hear it. Um, again, I can't tell you how much I appreciate everybody that's been listening to my podcast. It's it's a silly podcast, I know. I know there's a lot of problems with it. I realize that the audio is not good, and you know, sometimes I'm talking quiet and you can barely hear me, and there's a lot of stuff in the background. So, man, it means the world to me that people have been tuning in. Thank you, thank you so much. So, try to take a deep breath, focus on the things you can control. If your life is feeling out of control, just take a moment. It's amazing what a deep breath can do. Focus on the things you have control over. Try to um enlist family and support in any way you can. Thank you so much. I appreciate you guys, and um, until next time.