I’m Back, FINALLY!

I apologize for being MIA for so long. That was rude of me. And I did it so abruptly! I apologize. But I’m back! Here I am. Did Anyine miss me or even know I was gone? 
In this episode I discuss writing letters. I miss writing letters. I want to start writing my friends letters and doing it in cursive. Not only in cursive but using ink and a quill. Being graded on penmanship, despite the fact I was a leftie, forced to use my RIGHT hand.  Left handed lives matter! 
I discuss me writing letters to my sons and being a doing the same for my grandkids. I talk about being a grandma. 
This may not sound exciting but you never know until you check it out? 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening. God, it's been like a month. It's been it's been a long time since I've done an episode because I don't have Buzz Sprout anymore. Um I didn't pay for the subscription and everyone kept telling me about all of these um all of these other platforms that didn't cost money. And um and I still want to use Buzz Sprout, but right now I don't have it. So I'm going to be uploading this episode on I'm not sure what platform yet, and I'm hoping it'll reach everybody. And then what I'm gonna do is basically um transfer over everything, and then um, anyways, this is my way of saying I didn't have a platform and I was being too sidetracked and busy to um look for a platform that I wanted to use. Um, I've been pretty busy with with work and stuff, and so I um I just kind of got sidetracked, but then at the same time, I'm like, man, I really, really don't want to lose listeners. And people have been faithful to me and loyal to me, and they have been tuning in. And I just left you guys in the lurch. I just left you guys. I just up and left you. I didn't say a single word, I just walked out like an asshole with no explanation whatsoever. I can't say that word. Explanation. There we go. No explanation. I don't know, it sounded weird in my head. Um, and I just up and left you, and I didn't say a single thing, and then I just waltzed back in, I just saunter back in like nothing ever happened. Man, I'm a douche lord. I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and you can hear my um in typical uh podcast style, you can hear my dogs panting in the background because um we are exercising. You can hear one dog chewing on a gigantic, I mean huge, like femur bone of an animal. Um, I don't know if it's a femur bone, by the way. I just said that, but it's from like an elk or a deer. Um don't worry, I don't let my dogs eat bones in this. I don't let them eat bones that they're going to choke on that can splinter. I cannot stand it when um dogs eat bones. It scares the crap out of me because I don't want it to splinter. This is a very, very, very smooth. I don't know how to explain it. It's incredibly smooth, dense, like like you can hear him. He's chewing on it, and there's no, I would not give him something that he's going to re like I used to love pig hooves. I love the concept, love the idea, but they splinter and um and it scares me. So anything that can splinter is or they can choke on. I don't like things they can choke on and stuff. So this is, I promise you, this is a very safe thing he's he's chewing on. Anyway, if you also, if you haven't tuned into my podcast before, and this is the first time, I do a lot of this. I get psyched out squirrel. There's a lot of digressing, and then I loop it back around. You will hear birds, you will hear my dogs, you will occasionally hear me trying to get up a hill because I'm being a fat fat ass and I can't seem to lug it up the hill, so you'll heal me. You're bleh. You will I comble it out for a second. You will hear me um trying to, you know, not die while I'm lugging around my fat butt up a hill. But anyway, uh what I'm trying to say is it's been a while. I'm sorry, and I'm back, and here I am. And um, I'm not gonna talk politics today. I mean, I might maybe I don't know. I might dabble a little, maybe dip my toe, but I've been taking a break. I have honestly been trying to um be in a more positive, happy space, and I have been trying to get my mind out of the political gutter because I was just getting sucked in and I felt it, and I just felt icky all the time, and I felt, you know, and I don't like that. I don't want to be that sometimes it's it's good to be that way. Sometimes you need to be a negative Nancy, sometimes you need to cry, sometimes you need to just like scream it out in your pillow, you know, but then you need to get your shit together, you know what I mean? Like cry it out. I always always say, like, experience your feelings because you know they're there for a reason, but don't be a wuss. No one likes a wuss, no one likes a baby, no one likes a victim and a martyr. Like, ew. Ew. You don't want that, right? But at the same time, the feelings are there for a reason. If you don't express them, you're going to end up being like a serial killer or something, or just a big douche canoe. And we don't want that. I guess the word of the day today is douche, apparently. I'm on um using that word. I don't know all of a sudden I've been saying it lately a lot. Um the word of the day, kids, is douche. Don't be one, and don't use them because I've heard they're actually really bad for you. I've heard they douches actually just create all kinds of like bad organisms and like bacteria and crap. And it's like just be clean, okay? Just wash your bits, you know? Be hygienic. Why is that hard for people sometimes? Have you noticed that? Like, I don't understand why. You don't have to be obsessive. I'm not saying you have to take a shower every day. In fact, I think that can be bad for you, can dry out your skin, and you don't learn to your body doesn't learn to like build up bacteria and shit that you need. So people are like, oh my god, you don't shower every day. I gotta be honest with you, unless I'm really sweaty and gross. Obviously, if I'm all sweaty and gross, obviously, if I've been, you know, doing work in the yard and I'm disgusting or whatever, then obviously I'm gonna shower. But otherwise, no, I am like in every other day because for one, I just honestly don't think you should shower every day. I feel like, again, unless you have done something, you know, like you're working out and you're sweating all over or whatever. I'm not talking like if you're genuinely really stinky and stuff, okay, shower. But otherwise, put on some deodorant, you know, maybe give yourself a whores bath or something, you know, a little sponge bath or something, wash your pits, wash your bits, and um what does Dak Shepherd or them say or whatever? Um, PTSD, pits, tits, slits, and dicks, you know. Do those things, but otherwise, just like you shouldn't wash your hair every day, it's actually bad for you to wash your hair every day. Well, okay, I'll say, depending on your hair type, but as a whole, as a genuine thing, it's not good. It can dry out your hair and damage your hair. So, anyway, my point is, see, again, I digress. This is what you're gonna get if you're listening to me. You're gonna get a poor quality because I don't edit at all. I don't even try to edit, I don't even try to make it sound better. I'm just like, ugh, it is what it is. So I put it out there, you're gonna get crap. Um, oh, I forgot my dog doesn't like that ball, and I just threw it and he looked at me like, Are you kidding me? Uh no, I don't just run after things unless they're good quality shit. Okay. Just kidding. Anyway, um, you're gonna get a lot of this. I digress, not good quality, uh, hearing shit in the background. I'll go for like a month. Sometimes I put out a podcast every day. Sometimes I'll go for a month and I'm putting out a podcast every single day. Sometimes I put one out every like two or three days. Sometimes it's once a week, and apparently now it's once a month. But that honestly was because I needed to get my act together. Now there's a now there is an airplane in the back. I should probably pause. Okay, sorry. Um, there's planes and it was loud, and anyway, I mean I do edit things as far as like I don't edit, I just put I do so I do this on my phone. I'm talking into my cell phone and I'll put it on pause if things get too obnoxious. Otherwise, so that's my version of editing. My editing means putting it on pause from my phone when there's like an airplane going by. Anyway, so you're gonna get a hot mess of a podcast, however, um, and it's sometimes reckless on how often I put a podcast up, but I don't usually want to go, I try not to go a month. I rarely go a month unless something like this happens. If I'm going a month, it means that um I uh I'm debating putting my podcast on a different platform that doesn't cost money, and um because right now, you know, I'm just um I'm trying to I'm trying to decide that. Anyway, so I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry that I did not uh put out a podcast for a while. I hope that right now I can get this out on a platform if you're listening to me. Um if you are listening to this particular episode, it means yay, I found a platform. Um I found a platform to put it on, and um yay, so that's awesome. Um or I went back to my old platform and started using them again. One of those things happened. If you're listening to sorry, my dog is panting really big time in the background, so I'm gonna walk over here. Um, so that means one of those things happened. So yay, and that means you're listening to me, and that means I appreciate you. I appreciate you so stinking much because you put up with all of my shenanigans, you put up with all of this nonsense, and you still, you still are like um, you're still being loyal and you still want to tune in and hear what I have to say. So I can't tell you how much um that means to me. It genuinely means the world that so many people have been listening to me even more than once. There are people out there who have been listening to me since the beginning. Shout out to every single person out there, regardless if you've listened to me once or all the time, but I am gonna say, extra, extra shout out, extra, extra um hands in the air, um, and wave them like you just don't care to the people who have been with me since the beginning, and not only since the very beginning, but they took this break with me, and then when they realized that I was doing another podcast and I put one out, even though it's been a month, even though it's been a month, and I didn't say anything because I didn't know. I would have said something, honestly. I would not have left you guys hanging had I known it was gonna be um a month before I put out another podcast. I actually would have said something. I'm not a rude bitch, I'm nice, I have manners, okay? I do have manners. Um, so I appreciate people that are that have been here since the beginning and that are tuning in now after I've taken that break. Thank you from everybody from all over the world, all shapes and sizes. I appreciate you no matter what political background you're from, no matter what gender you are, no matter what you identify as, no matter what country you're from, whatever. But that said, do know that if this is the first time you're listening to me, I absolutely make fun of people of all shapes and sizes because I'm truly, truly equal. I mean, I truly value people as equals. Therefore, you're all fair game. All countries are fair game. I'm going to tell it like it is. I'm going to, I pick on Democrats a lot. I pick on Canada and France and the UK a lot. Um, but I pick on America and I pick on Republicans and I pick on white people. So again, it's a it's fair game. No one is off the table. So if you are sensitive, if you're someone that can't handle um being made fun of, you know, you get your panties in a wad easily. Um, this probably is not for you. Sometimes I talk about politics, sometimes I talk about relationships, addiction, family, being a parent, being a grandma. So I don't always talk politics. In fact, I feel like it's very balanced. There are, I'll go for a long time without speaking about politics. But whatever I'm talking about, just know. Oh, we've got a plane, folks. Hang on. All right, you can kind of hear the plane in the background still, but um, so just know though, I'm going to be honest, I'm going to say my feelings, and sometimes that involves cussing, sometimes that involves being politically incorrect. Sometimes it's gonna get offensive, sometimes it might hurt your feelings. Um, I'm not gonna apologize for things I'm not sorry for. I'm just not going to. I'm not gonna apologize for how you feel. I'm not going to apologize for you. Um, I will apologize for me and the things that I am truly sorry for, but not things that people think I should be sorry for. That's not gonna happen. Um, and people can watch my social media, and some people are very offended, and um, they leave pretty crappy comments, and what makes me laugh is um I don't care. I find it funny, and all you're doing is giving my page um your giving my page attention, so that's fantastic. So if you want to leave crappy comments on my social media, I can tell you another way to follow Ramblings of an Insomniac is on TikTok and on Instagram and on YouTube and on Facebook. And you can follow me and make shitty comments if you want to. That's okay, that's fine. Um, at least you're following me, right? So that's another way you can check me out. Okay, anyways, thank you, thank you, thank you, you rock. So, what the heck has been keeping me up for the last like month? Bless you! What has been keeping me up for the past like month? Many, many things. However, what I'm gonna start with is um I am a grandma and I freaking love it. And I used to um write my kids, my sons, um, ever since the day they were born. I started writing them letters and putting those letters in our photo albums, because you know, this is back in the day when we would print out our pictures. Um, plus I do photography, and so I used to, you know, take pictures all the time. And I would um, anyways, I took pictures and I would write letters and I would put them behind the pictures um in our photo albums. And um I did that up until they were like in their 20s. And um and I have grandkids now, and I want to start doing that for them. I want to start writing letters. Yes, letters. I want to write letters. I miss redder redder lighting. Whoa. Redder lighting. All right. I cumbled out earlier and now I'm apparently having a stroke. Hey, if I all of a sudden, you know, stop talking in the middle of things, uh, I might be stroking out. Just kidding. I'm very tired. That's the problem. I've been busy and my brain is woo. So, letter writing. I miss writing letters. I do. I used to write letters to my grandma, um to my grandparents, um, all the time. I mean all the time. I loved it. And I used to, of course, pass notes. Um, and you know, you would fold it into the star, you know, or you would fold it and um, you know, have it passed around. And I had a shoebox full of letters that I kept, little notes that we passed, and they fucking burnt up in a fire in my hope chest, because you know, my hopes apparently went down in flames. Inside that hope chest was my cap and gown, my first croissage I ever got, my cheerleading uniform, um, that box of letters, not to mention that, not letters, but notes that were passed from seventh and eighth grade. Um, not to mention that hope chest belonged to my aunt, and then that belonged to my grandma. So, you know, um little did I know that was just foreshadowing of my life. But anyway, um I had God, that took a dark turn, you guys. Jeez, you guys are like a bummer, Courtney. Like, wow, you took a big detour there. Let's get back on track. Um, I absolutely love there's something about um writing letters. I even wish we could use like calligraphy. Well, you can use calligraphy, I mean you can, but like, you know, the old pens where you dip it in the ink and stuff and you use a quail feather and shit. Not the feather, but the you know, use a quail's. You know I'm trying to say, God, I'm tired. Why? Out of all the times to choose to do a podcast, apparently I decide today is it, and I didn't realize until I did start doing this podcast how my brain is not caught up with me at all. It's still in bed, apparently. Lord, you guys, I am sorry. Okay, I've got some iced coffee here. We're gonna have a little swig of that and some water and see what magic might happen. Um, I don't drink coffee though to wake up. Um, I'm ADD and I it's to calm me, actually. It's to soothe the savage beast. So hang on. I probably should have paused that so you guys didn't listen to my dog and um the sound of me guzzling this. I'm sure that's that's awesome. This is off to an awesome start. I hope this isn't people's first podcast, first time listening to my podcast. If it is, well, hey, welcome to the club. You're getting initiated real quick. It does not get any better. I can assure you, it doesn't get much better than this. I mean, I've had some where I, you know, you're not listening to me slurp in the background and planes and stuff like that, or my dog's panting. You do get those. But off topic, uh pretty much every podcast I digress a bit. So um, so that is why this isn't everybody's cup of tea. I'm not everybody's cup of tea. Anyway, back to writing letters. I absolutely love it. I want to still do it. There's nothing stopping me. I don't know why I'm not, it's just that I'm like, I feel like if I write a letter, they're gonna be like, okay. Why? You could have just texted me that. You could have got on Facebook, although only people my age are still on Facebook, but that's fine, it works. If it's not broken, don't fucking fix it. And if it is broken, please fix your shit. Okay. Nobody else wants your broken ass stuff, okay? Um, but I I love it, and so I'm going to do that for my grandkids. I'm going to write them a letter and I'm going to put it in these photo albums that I still have. And um I've told everybody that they're there so they know to find them when I bite the dust. And um, I'm gonna let them know that my grandkids' letters are there as well. Um, but being a grandma changes you, and I feel bad because everybody loves their kids, right? I mean, I hope, God, I hope so, you know. Um, but then you have grandkids, and somehow your kids are like, get out of my way, and you will shove them out of the way to get to your grandkids. And I still love my sons, obviously. Um, and I give them hugs and I talk to them and I, you know, all of that. But grandbabies are just awesome. Grandkids are great, and they're even better because again, it's like being an aunt and an uncle. Anything that you get to love and love and love, and then hand back to the other person to do all the hard stuff. That's a fantastic trade. You don't have to pay for I mean, you pay for stuff like when you take them out and do things, you know, but um that's a great thing. That's some good shit. That is that is where it's at right there. Uh-oh, I gotta get my dog here. Let's see here. All right, I have eyes on my pooch. That's an affirmative. I have eyes on my pooch. Okay, um, my dog, in case someone misheard that in any weird way. Um, so I am going to write a letter, and I'm going to um put it in the photo albums. And um, yeah. Are you guys into letter writing? Who still likes to write letters? I just think it's great. People are gonna be, like I said, I'm gonna send them to my if I send them to my friends, I feel like they're gonna be like, that's really weird. You could have messaged me on Facebook or through a text. Why the hell are you writing me a letter? But then I'm like, okay, people do cards, and usually, I mean, I'm assuming most people, like 90% of people, write something in the card other than just like love mom and dad, love Sally, love Tom. You know what I mean? Like, usually people write a little something, so that's kind of sort of, I guess, you know, writing a letter, I guess. So maybe people wouldn't be too weirded out if you put a little note in there, too. But I don't know, I just think it's personal, and it means more because it's something you can touch, it's something you can keep. You can't keep a text. I mean, yeah, you can keep it as in screenshot it or something and put it on your computer, but like you can't touch that, you can't feel that, you can't smell that. You know what I mean? Like, that's something they actually touched. That's something they took their time and they like has their, I know this is gonna sound creepy and weird, but it has their scent on it. It has their their DNA in it, it's them, you know, it's part of them. And to me, that's so much more personal, and it's tan you can you can hold it, like I said, and you can keep it, you know, unless it goes up in flames in your hope chest. Like minded. Anyway, I decided to throw that back in because you know. Um, I I I just I think it's a good thing. To do, and I don't know how many people still do that. I know it's more than me. I know that. I'm not a narcissist. I don't think everything's about me, man. I don't make it all about me. I know there's other people out there in the world. Um, but do you guys like to write letters? Um, I and the calligraphy thing, man, my handwriting. So um I grew up where I'm not even old. I mean, I guess I'm middle-aged, you know. Um, and people, for some reason, where I went to school, I I'm a lefty, and where I went to school, um, I was taught not to use my left hand to write or with scissors. And um, and then I also got graded on my penmanship, which I thought was bullshit. Because how the fuck do you make me write with a totally different hand and then grade me on that? Like that's pretty shitty. But I honest to God, um, I went to um preschool and kindergarten and um first grade up to what it was it, second, third grade, I went to um like this Montessori thing, and then it was like attached to like a um Catholic school thing, and they would um and then I went to public school and even through fourth grade I was taught to use my left hand, um, excuse me, my right hand to um write and to use scissors, and yet I am a lefty. I do everything else other than now I cannot use my right, my um left hand to write, and I cannot use scissors at all with my left hand, but everything else, like cut food, a guitar, archery, a gun, um, I use my right hand. And then things like bowling, um, I'm actually really, I apparently I use my right hand. Well, I mean, I do use my right hand, but apparently I do it like a lefty. Everybody that knows anything about bowling, they're like, you're using your right hand, but you're doing it like a lefty. Point to all of this is when you get graded on your penmanship, it's bullshit. However, I learned how to do cursive. Remember cursive? I have very pretty cursive penmanship. I don't know how, but if I if I want to still write in cursive. So I want to write letters and I want to use cursive because I have really pretty penmanship. If I don't, if I'm just writing it out, I have funky people have told me I have serial killer, doctor, handwriting, serial killer, all kinds of things. It's not unless I really, really take my time, I have terrible penmanship because I'm not supposed to be writing with my right hand. And now, yes, yes, it's been a long, long time. So you would think my penmanship um would get better, but it hasn't. I mean, it's got better. It has actually. It has, it used to be very, very, very slanted, like crazy slanted, and now it's barely slanted. It's it is still slanted, but not that much. And um, it's so it's it's better, but I still don't have good handwriting. But you throw cursive in there and boom, I have suddenly like I should be writing the constitution, you know? I should be writing legal documents back in the day with a quill. A quail? A quill? If I don't even know what the terminology is, I probably shouldn't be bringing it up, right? Because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. But you know what I'm trying to say. But I feel like, and then I want to do like a scroll and send it to one of my friends, and then they'll get it and they'll like untie it, or it'll be that wax thing. Well, no, if it's a scroll, then it'll be tied. But I also want to send a letter where you use the wax and you like seal it with a wax stamp. My friends, and then like it's all in like calligraphy. My friends would be like, What in the fuck is wrong with her? They'd probably all think I'm an idiot. Actually, my friends would not think I'm an idiot, they'd probably just be like, Okay, you know, there's Courtney. Um, but wouldn't that be fun? Like, I like the wax seals and a scroll. I mean, come on, you could just be reading like the menu on a scroll and it just looks so fucking cool and official. And that's how we could serve papers now to people like that are assholes. Be like, hear ye, hear ye, and you get this like court gesture that shows up with a scroll and they knock on your door and you get served papers. Divorced, here you go. Boom, we're taking your car, here you go, and we like unscroll it, and we're like, on this day, you know, and then that yeah, wouldn't that make it better for you? Just kidding, I don't know. But I like it. I started watching Game of Thrones over again, and so now all of a sudden I'm in this weird mode where um, not that I want things to be anything like Game of Thrones. I'm just saying it cracks me up because sometimes I'm like, God, their dresses had to have been so fucking heavy, and the stuff that the men had to wear, you know, like those the knights and stuff, having to wear that heavy ass metal around all the time, and when it's hot and shit, damn. I cannot hack it. I can't, I'm too America. I'm too American, and that sounds like a shitty, shitty thing to say. And I realize it sounds like a douchey thing to say. I'm gonna use our word of the day again. Every time I say douche, um, well, I don't want to encourage drinking, and I don't even drink, so um, every time I say douche, read a book. Just kidding. Um, that sounded really condescending, and I didn't mean it like that. I just meant in case there's younger people watching, that sounded shitty. But anyway, um, I was like, dang, their outfits are cool, but oh, how exhausting. And how exhausting to be a woman back then. I could not hack it. If a man talked to me or anybody talked to me that way, and I had to just do shit because someone just told me to, granted, I of course I'm gonna listen to like my boss, you know, and when I'm a kid, I'm gonna listen to my mom. But if you're not my boss or my mom, and you just go around, and because you're supposed to be some awesome person and you're telling me what to do, I don't like it. Or, I mean, of course, I'll listen to a cop and stuff, but you know what I mean? Like, I cannot hack it. I would be dead right away. I would get lippy, it would not work out for me. And um, the way that they treat women, oh no, no, thank you. But I also think, God, could you imagine before they bathed very often how bad everybody smelled back then? I can't get that stuff out of my head when I watch anything from like the 1800s and earlier. I'm like, they're all stinky. And um, I'm not trying to judge because they couldn't help it. I get it, I understand, but ew, like, could you imagine? Like, not only are they not bathing very often, but then they're wearing clothing that's really heavy and like not breathable. So, like your cooch stinks, all your parts stink, and your teeth. Oh my god, the breath back then. I think of these things. Does anybody else think of these things? I just do, I really do. I think of these things. I'm a weirdo, I know. Um, what else? So I'm trying to stay positive and not really. If I'm on social media, I've been on social media, but I'm looking up beekeeping stuff and I'm looking up flower stuff, and I'm looking up healing things like herbs and things that um to heal wounds and that kind of stuff. And I have been looking up just like funny animal video. Oh gosh, you guys, are you okay? My dogs just pretty much ran into each other. All right, you seem fine. Um, you know, that kind of stuff. Just trying to stay out of the political stuff right this moment. It's kind of oversaturated, it's too cranky. I get there's shit going on. I understand, but after FIFA, after the World Cup, I just want to get along. I can't do all this negativity. I mean, I'm not gonna say that I'm not gonna do a podcast that isn't political and that I'm not gonna f get fired up. I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm, you know, that I'm never gonna do a negative podcast again. Of course, because I'm a human. Humans, human. Sometimes we're assholes. Sometimes we're what? What's the word of the day? Douches. And we are cranky and we say and do mean things that we don't always, you know, that we say things we regret sometimes, and we get a little fired up, and we get, you know, we have our moments where we're not perfect. And well, we're we're never perfect, not our moments. We are never ever perfect at any moment. So there's never a time when we're perfect, which means we're going to um piss each other off, and that's just part of life. And I think we're all waiting around for some magical moment when we're not going to be racist, when there are going to be zero people on earth that are racist, when there are zero um judgmental people, or zero rapists, or zero murderers, or zero hateful people, or zero people that um are lazy, zero Christians, zero Jewish people, zero Muslims. Like these things aren't going to happen because again, there's always going to be different religious beliefs, and there's always going to be people that hate. Unfortunately, unfortunately, hate is going to be around no matter how much we complain about it. All we can do is try to not be that way. And and again, we can't say I'm never, ever, ever going to be. Because I hope, I hope that people aren't hateful. But maybe because we're humans, there might come a time where we're behaving in a hateful manner. And the important part is to be like, oh, I was being hateful. Oops, I said I wasn't going to do that. I said I was gonna try to fix that, and so oops, my bad. And then you try to go forward, but we can't remove every single hateful person and every single racist person. And unfortunately, we can't remove all of the psychopaths because it just there's always going to be somebody. So I feel like we're focused on that instead of like when when we had the World Cups, you know. Um, I feel like when FIFA's going on, that it's so um amazing because we see the world getting together regardless of what country they're from, regardless of what their background is, and they're just like, hey, this is my culture. Let me show you my culture, let's show each other our cultures, let's experience things through each other's eyes. Let's talk about stuff, let's find our unity in celebrating and dancing and eating and laughing. And so I just have not been wanting to do the political stuff because I'm aware that there's shit going on. I'm not burying my head. I'm not an ostrich, that's not it. I'm not pretending that things are better. I just don't want to focus on the politics right now. There's a lot of people that are far more well-known than I am. I'm not well known. There are enough people out there doing politics right now, so I'm gonna leave it to them for this moment. Maybe tomorrow I'll do politics. Maybe in a year I'll do politics, maybe in a week I'll do politics. I don't know. Maybe later today I'll do politics. But right now, I'm just trying to focus on work and um being grateful and thankful for that. And my grandkids and my sons and my animals and my life, and um just trying to not be a douche. Um I'm just gonna pick a word every podcast and use it as much as I can, and you guys can do with it what you want. You can turn it into a game if you want to. But um this word today is sponsored by oh gosh, I just ruined it. I was trying to think of what the name of that, I feel like it was called Eve or something. Summer's Eve. Isn't that a douche? Does anybody know? Any douche users out there, former douche users. I think it's called Summer's Eve. This podcast sponsors by sponsored by Summer's Eve. Just kidding. Um, and again, by the way, the thing I said about douches that I don't think they're good for you. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not a doctor, so don't go by what I say. I just have heard that, but um, I'm not a doctor, so you don't need to take my advice on anything because I'm not a certified anything except probably certifiably uh crazy. Um, anyway, thank you, thank you. I'm sorry that it's been so long. Um, I don't know when I'm gonna be able to put this podcast up. For all I know, by the time I get this podcast up, it's gonna be another month. And then no one's gonna be listening anymore. People are gonna be like, go fuck yourself. I tried and you left us. You left us. Um, and I'm sorry. That's not what I'm trying to do. I'm not. But it is my fault though. I'm not passing the buck, I'm not passing the blame at all. I I need to get my shit together. I've just been a little busy with work, and so um I left you guys in the dust, and I'm sorry. That's a crappy thing to do, especially with people that have been here since the beginning. That's not a good way to treat those people. I'm sorry. Well, I hope that everybody is having a wonderful day. I hope you guys have been um taking care of yourselves, remembering to take a deep, slow breath in and then let it go in through your nose, a deep breath in through your nose, and then slowly out through your mouth, remembering to let go of all of the bullshit, let go of the drama, let go of things you cannot control, and let go of the douchiness and be like, hey, I'm gonna be the best me I can be. And sometimes that means I'm a fuck up and a failure and a loser, and sometimes I'm cranky and I piss people off, and sometimes I'm lazy and all of that, but I am more often than not, I'm a good person and a hard-working person and a kind person that cares about others and looks at things through other points of view. I put the shoe on the other foot and I realize that things are not just about me because I don't have my head up my own ass. Not today. Today my head is out of my ass. That's what we're all striving for, right? To not be walking around not able to see with our heads crammed up each other's ass or our own asses, okay? So I guess this podcast is about keeping things out of your asses. I mean, unless you like that kind of stuff, but just don't have it be your head, okay? Um, and and don't be a douche. And then I'm sorry for being a douche. I don't be me. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. And like I said, I'm not sure when this is going to be aired. So I hope everybody is doing well. Um, until next time.