Random Thoughts…

In this episode I discuss several things in a short amount of time. I talk about family, how the elderly are treated, dementia and having a hard time focusing. 
What’s keeping me up? ADHD….

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to another episode of The Ramblings of an Insomniac. I am Courtney. Hello, good morning, good afternoon, good evening. This is just a quick uh a quick hey, a quick check-in in. I'm sorry my last pod well, I'm not sorry. I don't know why I started to say that. I'm not sorry that my last podcast was such a bummer and such a mood kill. I'm not sorry. Um, but it was a bummer and a mood kill. And I don't want to give the impression that I don't absolutely adore and love my sons. I absolutely worship um, well, not worship, that's a strong word. I very much I love my sons. I love my children. However, I'm not ashamed and I'm not going to apologize for my podcast. Um sorry, I'm moving some chairs around. Um I'm not going to apologize for my podcast. I'm just not, because it's true. And I think if parents or humans are being honest with themselves, they would admit that family members suck sometimes. I'm sorry, but family members absolutely blow the big one sometimes, and they can just really be a pain in the ass, and they can be disappointing, and they can fuck up real bad, and they can make mistakes. That's just part of being uh human. Again, by the way, this is Ramblings of an Insomniac, and as per the usual, I just start my podcast right out the get-go, just starting out a big fucking shit show, you know. I'm sorry, you guys. I really need to learn to ease into this. I haven't quite developed the um the art of easing people. I always say foreplay because I need to learn that. I need to start like easing into it, not just being like, hello, welcome, by the way, and then just dump just this pile of shit on you. Oh my god, I'm sorry. Man, I don't know how anybody listens to me ever, to be honest. Thank God you do though. Thank you. Honestly, thank you, thank you for everybody that listens to my shit show of a podcast. Thank you for listening to all my nonsense. You know, one minute I'm talking about family, the next minute I'm talking politics, the next minute I'm talking about work and prank calls and animals, and you know, I'm all over the place. But I said when I was going to do this that I was gonna talk about dementia, and I was gonna bring up my experiences with COVID and my mom being in assisted living and memory care um during COVID and in the state of Oregon, and how you know, our um governor at the time, um, Flush It Down, Kate Brown was just a nightmare of a human. And my experiences with dealing with not being able to see my mom and being kept away from my mom when she was dying. And she still had her memory, and I wanted to be around her while she still remembered me. And I was, and unfortunately, her dementia crept up real quick, and she was starting not to remember things. She still remembered me though. She still remembered me, but a whole bunch of stuff happened and it prompted me to do this podcast. And originally I wanted to do this podcast to bring awareness to how elderly are treated and how people in our society in America, anyways, treat our elderly, and we treat them with such disregard and we just toss them aside like they're nothing, and and also how we don't plan. We don't plan for what could possibly happen. Who's gonna take care of us when we're older? Who's gonna pay for it? What type of care can we do people come to our house? Can we afford people to come to our house? Who's gonna come to our house? Is it gonna be a family member or is it gonna be an outsider that we don't know? And these things are important because we don't think about them until it's too late, usually. And my mom had to go through hell and back, and I had to go through hell and back, and it's just sad because nobody should have to worry about getting health care and being taken care of, especially if you have dementia and you have to trust that people are going to be good to you, and you have to trust people, and you have to hope that you have family members that are going to take care of you. So I started this podcast originally so I could talk about that, and I still do talk about it, but I don't talk about it enough. I kind of get into politics because again, politics actually is a huge part, a the 95% of why I started this podcast is shitty politics in a shitty state. I mean, I love my state, I love the state for a lot of reasons, but politically not so much. So that's why I started this podcast, but I forget. I get on here and I just immediately and I'm like, hi, I'm Courtney, and then I just get right into it because unfortunately, I'm not really a I don't really beat around the bush. Not really a beat around the bush kind of gow. Um I'm not really the one to go to. Um, I mean, I I want to be coochie koo, I want to be sensitive, of course. I'm not heartless, I'm not mean, I care, I'm incredibly compassionate, I'm very empathetic. I care very much, I probably care too much, but I at the same time I'm not gonna tell you that you shit rainbows and butterflies if you don't. Don't come to me singing, and if you sound like a cow in heat and you have a horrible voice, I'm not necessarily gonna be like, wow, you sound like a cow in heat, depending on my friends, depending on who you are. If I know you can handle it, if I know you're strong enough for me to say it, I will say it. But a point is I don't sugarcoat things, and I kind of like to get to the point. I don't need a lot of detail. I don't want a lot of detail. I hate it when people go on and on and on about stuff. I am like, oh my god, I have ADD. And so the more detail you add, I can't, I don't want to absorb it. I don't need to know what it looked like on your way to your grandma's house and what the weather was doing, and how many cars you passed and what the people look like and what you were wearing and what you were eating. Like, I will tune you out. I'm sorry. Probably like you guys do my podcast. When I ramble on, right? When people ramble on, some people, this is why I like listening to Ben Shapiro or people that talk fast. When people talk fast, I'm like, fuck yeah. I can pay attention, I can absorb it. I absorb people that talk fast so much more. And when you go on and on and you talk slow and you get into detail, I gotta tell you, I'm probably tuning you out. And I don't mean to, I don't want to, I'm not trying to. I'm sorry, I really am. But I spare me the details. I say that I'm observant because I am, I'm crazy observant, but not in a wordy way. I I look at my surroundings, I observe body language, I observe tones of voices, I observe what's around me. But when people go on and on, I I um absorb the necessities. I like to hear that, but unless, of course, I'm one-on-one and someone is genuinely upset, and someone is genuinely pouring their heart up to me, then of course I'm not gonna be like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not, I promise. If you're genuinely upset, I'm gonna listen to you, I'm gonna absorb, I'm gonna hear, I'm gonna listen, I'm I'm there for you. I'm eye to eye. You and I, I'm with it. My point is, this podcast, like you guys, you guys are probably like Jesus Courtney, hypocrite much. Listen to you. You ramble, but again, I tell you in the freaking title that I ramble, right? I do warn you. You can't say I didn't warn you guys. I said ramblings of an insomniac. So I guess I'm a big old fat hypocrite, dang it. I don't know. I don't expect people to listen to me. So I maybe I'm not a hypocrite because I'm aware that I ramble and I digress. I digress, I digress big time. But I try not to go into great detail and I try not to. I really will catch myself, and when I catch myself rambling or I catch myself digressing, I genuinely go, oh God, oops, there I go again. And I try to get back on track, and I really don't try to give a lot of information in a lot of detail. I just talk fast and say a lot of shit at once. I don't necessarily get graphic about it, right? So if you're my friend and we're one-on-one and you're pouring your heart out to me, I do care. I do, and I will listen. I'm just talking like when people are just talking about their day and they're literally giving me every detail of it. I am like, oh my god, I can't. I don't, I don't need to know what you were eating and what you had at the coffee shop, and I don't need to know every like I can't. I can't absorb that much. I'm like Kelly Bundy on Married with Children when she's like, for everything, every one thing you tell me, or maybe it was family ties and Mallory and Alex, for every one thing you tell me, I like lose something. I swear, that's how I am. But thank God you guys listen to me. Thank you. Honestly, I don't know what I would do. Every day that I get to see somebody, even one person, one person has downloaded my podcast. I'm like, yes, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And again, I get to hear of countries that I've never heard of. That's pretty fucking rad, right? So I've just talked about a hundred different things all in a short amount of time, and then I'm talking about how people digress and ramble. I'm a hypocrite and I'm calling myself out. Courtney, today you are a hypocrite. Again, I don't think I'm being a hypocrite. I'm just, you know, I'm digressing, I'm getting back on track, I'm, you know. Originally I was like, I was gonna apologize for getting all deep, but I'm not apologizing for my last podcast. I love my son very much. I love both of my sons equally. I love them both very much. I do not want anything, anything to happen to either of them. I would be devastated. I just wanted to share that podcast with you last week, um, the family issues one, because I don't know how many people can relate. To again, it could be your it could be your child, it could be your sibling, it could be your spouse, it could be your parent. I don't know. But family is not perfect, you know? And we're not always going to, just because someone is family, doesn't mean we're going to love them. I mean, excuse me, not love them, I do love them. Doesn't mean we're going to like them all the time. That was not a Fordian slip. I'm just tired. Insomniac, hence the name, right? It doesn't mean we're always gonna like them and like the things they do and say, and we're gonna have our TIFS. Unfortunately, it sucks real bad. It sucks real, real bad when those TIFFs are with very, very close family members like your own sons or daughters, like your own parents, like your own siblings. Like, you know, it that sucks. And we think that because we gave birth or because we're family members, that we should love someone unconditionally regardless of what they say or do to us. And that's simply not true. We do not have to accept people treating us like shit just because they are our spouse, you know, our family member. That's that's not the case. Sorry, you're gonna hear me walking on gravel, and that's probably super obnoxious to you. But again, that's part of my podcast, right? So um, but it's it's we don't have to deal with it. And I forget that, and I deal with a lot more than I should, and then I cry victim. And I'm not really the victim, am I? If I it's like the fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Well, I'm about, you know, fool me four times, so it is kind of shame on me, not with regards to my son. Yes and no, like I've talked about on my last podcast. Um it is kind of shame on me because I'm the one that allowed him to get away with stuff that he shouldn't have. So it is kind of shame on me. Sorry, you're gonna hear a good sound here. Um so it is a little bit, you know, on me, but it's also I just things are my fault, but there are things that are out of my control that have happened to me as well. And those are the things I get pissed off about because there are things that I absolutely did not choose. And so we can't be victims and martyrs if we choose things over and over again. It is fool me once, shame on them. But you know, fool me tree two, three, three, tree, three times. Um, fool me two, three, four times. Well, at what point is it our fault and our choices, even when it comes to our families? Sometimes we need boundaries. Not sometimes, we do, we do need boundaries even when it's our family. And it's not okay for people to treat us a certain way just because they're family. It's not. In fact, when it's family, it's even more reason. It's even more reason why they shouldn't betray you and betray your trust and treat you like crap and call you names. That's even more reason why we should not accept it. Because family is supposed to be there for you, you know. Anyway, I appreciate you guys being there. You guys have been there like crazy. I have been tuning in, checking out how many people are downloading my podcast. And Facebook, my Facebook page has been having an uptick. So thank you. So if you want to check me out on Facebook, it's Ramblings of an Insomniac. If you want to check me out on TikTok or Instagram or YouTube, again, Instagram and YouTube like to censor me a whole lot, so um, believe it or not, even more than TikTok. But if you want to check me out, um, I'm pretty darn political. I have opinions, so I'm not for the faint of heart. If you are, if uh if you need safe rooms and stuff, I'm probably not your cup of tea. But let me tell you, everybody's welcome. I don't care what you look like, I don't care what your religious, political backgrounds are, I don't care what you identify as. Everybody is welcome here for real. I really, really am an open, kind, non-judgmental person. I genuinely am. Um the definition of racist and homophobe has been changed by people that just meet their needs, and people just want to call me Nazi and racist and stuff because they've changed the definition of stuff. That doesn't mean I am those things. I'm a very accepting person. I judge people by their morals and their character. I judge people by their actions and their words, and you know, again, I try to like everybody. I try to constantly dissect people and go, wow, what makes you tick? What makes you tick? If anything, I try, I give people more chances than I should, and I try to see the good in people. I genuinely do. So everybody is welcome here. I do have strong opinions. I'm probably gonna piss everybody off at some point. So just know I'm gonna have my opinions and they are some point probably gonna piss you off. But I am open, I'm an open person. I love to talk to people. I genuinely do from every background. I really do. I do not give a crap what you identify as, what your political background is, what your religion is. I judge people by their conduct of their character, and that is it. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for everybody that's been listening to me from the beginning, from the middle, from just now. I appreciate it because I don't really do a lot of podcasts and I don't do a lot of advertising. So the fact that words gotten around, I would love it if you could, you know, again subscribe to my social media and um tell people about my podcast. That would be freaking awesome. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. This was just a quick little podcast. I talked about a lot of stuff. I jammed a lot of nonsense, a lot, not nonsense, not nonsense, a lot of stuff. I kind of was all over the place. I'm so sorry. I literally think I talked about like everything, and you guys are probably like, what was this podcast even about? I don't even know what I just listened to. And if this is your first time, you're like, uh, what did I just listen to? We talked about dementia and we talked about family and we talked about a lot of different things. I'm confused. Well, get used to it because when you listen to my podcast, I would love to say that it gets better. Um, and I would love to be like, hey, it only goes up from here. But like I said, I'm always honest. I make no guarantees, okay? You get what you get. I'm talking into my phone. I'm literally doing my podcast talking into my phone, and I upload this onto a um a site, and then it goes on to, you know, Apple and all these different sites. And so I I talk into my phone. I have no editing, I have no nothing. So this is what you get, and I'm so glad people are into it. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you guys. You mean the world to me. I'm wishing everybody a fantastic day. Remember to control the things you can and let go of the rest. Remember to breathe in slowly through your nose. And then breathe out slowly through your mouth and just let go of all the crap, right? Thank you so much. Um, bless all of you, and until next time.